The day you died God
stopped questioning
his son’s sexuality
33-year-old Nazarene
with no kids
at a time when
men fathered at 19
and grandfathered at 38
no Mary Magdalene
no Mary Kate and Ashley
no Mary Jane
yes,
there were questions
in heaven
bigger than
does it exist?
and it does.
there was living proof
every time you opened your mouth, Etta
like a Black Sabbath
you had a voice that would…
that would make God
rest on the seventh day
just like God
patting himself
on the back
at the sound of you
we admire
stare at you
like our own
like our own reflections
spidered in the mirror
hungover
because our Sunday Kinda Love
didn’t make it past Saturday night
fractured
leaving us with questions
questions like
“Why can’t I sing like that!?”
and “I thought she was in recovery?”
questions like
“Why does it seem like
the most broken lives
give us the most solid voices?”
the most complete
most whole
most holy voices
Jamesetta Hawkins
a name only a teenage mother could love
and she did
You and Jesus
had more in common
than single mothers
and invisible fathers
called your mom
“The Mystery Lady”
and imagine
they pro’lly thought
the same thing
about Virgin de Guadalupe
and her kid
with the immaculate childhood
a different kind of prodigy
had you turned around
and split
like your name
Etta James
is who you was
after you went blonde
after you were told
to take advantage
of your light complexion
after you agreed
to dye everything
except your eyebrows
‘cause you wanted to
look like a “bad girl”
you bad girl!
bad enough to
make B.B. King
sweet on you
at 16
in addiction recovery by 21
gone 5 days
before your 74th
dementia
but still telling
anyone who cares to listen
that you remember
that when you were still a child
people used to travel miles
just to hear you sing
perform your own kind of temple miracles
with money changers and prostitutes
a prodigy too
with a voice
as milk and honey
as the heaven you’re from
no wonder
we’re still addicted to what you sung
it comes from heroin in ya lungs
been going thru withdrawals
since you’ve been gone
I’m the one with the weight problem
waiting for your next album
fiending without you
‘cause we can’t hear you sing anymore
celestial body
long before Hollywood’s
Walk of Fame
gave you a star
we weren’t prepared
for your hour-glass frame
to break
leaving Sugar All Over our floors
you said you
“sang the songs that people needed to hear”
and Jesus?
was half “people”
and God was disturbed
that his son kept a diary
however,
God was damn happy
that his very good looking
but very single son
wrote this
about you, Etta
in his diary
“You sang,
You sang.
Oh and then the spell was cast
and here we are now in heaven.
For you are mine
at last.”
and that
was the day
the angels
got their voice back.
-from the forthcoming New Series title, SWEAR, by Hakim Bellamy